When I was young I was concerned about my gender. I was a kid who can be very far away from feminine. I remember disguising as a boy every now and then. I know a lot of girls had this habit when they were young, we used to be tomboys. For some reason, now a days, a lot of guys find it sexy that a girl “was a tomboy when she was young”. Actually, come to think of it there were a lot of tom boy girls. Except where I lived and had my childhood. In my childhood, girls didn’t really have the chance to be that much of a tom boy, most families don’t allow it. Girls shouldn’t play with boy’s toys and should start their education into becoming young women who are ready to get married, right?
I used to play with the boys in the neighborhood and I used to enjoy playing football/soccer. I basically wanted to be a boy and be treated like a boy to play and get a chance to be a boy. at one point I actually wanted to be a boy, I desperately wanted to have a penis, I had a hope and a dream that one day I’ll wake up to have a penis growing from my vagina and my parents to be shocked how it was hidden for so many years. Of course I was 9, and I wasn’t well educated with sexuality and gender.
I might have stayed a tomboy, but somehow I grew up to accept that I am a feminine young lady, and even I grew up loving the fact that I am an attractive woman. I don’t know if I was influenced to drop my tomboyish childhood and become a young woman, or is it that I naturally accepted my femininity and started to love it by myself. I know a lot of women, do not stop being the tomboy they were when they were young, and sometimes I envy them.
When I started going to college, I met this girl, she used to wear boys clothes, and I used to admire that and envy her, “how lucky she is. She doesn’t care what people say about her clothes.” So basically I always cared that people used to give me awful comments about being a tomboy and dressing like one, and I wish I haven’t, even though now I’m glad I look feminine. It’s tricky, the whole business of gender, right?
Since I “grow out of” being a tomboy, or becoming a boy, I didn’t understand the whole “gender dysphoria”. I always thought that people should “grow out of” becoming someone they’re not and accept their gender and body the way it is. And I didn’t quite like the idea of transsexualism. Why would I want to become a boy if I was born to be a woman? Instead of going through the whole process of becoming a man I should go to a whole process of being the woman I ought to be, and follow my natural role, not in society but nature. But of course, then I will have to accept the fact that there’s not such a thing as homosexuality, while I believe that homosexuality is a normal condition of a human being drawn to the same gender.
I’m very glad I grew up to realize that “gender dysphoria” is an issue that I should consider and not judge so rapidly. And those people who want to be transsexual, simply cannot live with their own gender and sexual identity. And now only do I have to accept that and understand it but to actually believe that it is a healthy process and should never be overlooked, but rather introduced as an alternative to teenagers and others around the world. Not only to encourage people to be themselves, but also the people they desire to be.