So, it’s just a random day at work. Trying to figure out what I’m doing exactly. This job is not for me, but does it matter? I’m getting paid anyway. And it will be fine. If I lose this job I’ll go on finding another one. It will be fine.
I never spoke about my career, work or any job I had on this blog. And I won’t. I will only say that I’m currently working at an office. Doing a job that is not for me , nor something I want to pursue as a career in the future.
And there is a guy at work. He’s not that good looking, or attractive, or anything special. He’s just a guy. He and I are different, we have different life styles and we hardly have anything in common. Sometimes I get bored at the office and talk to him. He’s nice and friendly. And then… I meet his dirty side. He wears a cross around his neck, he has a tattoo that says something for Jesus. He’s a Jesus freak, and I’m an atheist. But he’s dirty too… how come someone as devoted to Jesus can have a very dirty mind and too much sexuality to share?
But you see, that’s the thing, because he’s very sexual, and dirty, I want to be sexual and dirty with him. Nothing more, nothing less. That’s all.
I want him purely sexual, I just want to sleep with him and that’s it. It feels weird to have these feelings. I know that when it comes to sex I always imagine love, true love, and more attraction and passion. But apparently that never works out for me. So maybe, for a change I should enjoy my sexuality more and do things more purely… sexual.
Thing is, with this guy, I don’t want to get to know him, date him or even have feelings for. I don’t want him to have feelings for me. I just want him to satisfy me sexually.
Basically, the best way to behave to a man is to make love to him if you don’t fancy him and to another if you do. This is safe, no attachment, no getting hurt and just pure sex. At least you can keep doing that until you find the right love, and make real love.
So, yeah… this feeling is weird and new for me. To only want the guy sexually. But it’s empowering. It makes me feel in control, and that I can just own him. Not really own him, because he’s not mine, but there are that time, I can just use him and enjoy him. And the best part is, he knows, he knows exactly what I think, what I want and what I need.
Main worries about this situation: 1. I don’t want anyone at work to find out, it will just cause problems, for both of us. 2. The idea that even though he had slept with hundreds of women, that doesn’t make him good in bed. I haven’t yet slept with him, but we tried some stuff, and I wasn’t impressed. How important that part can be? 3. Will he still respect me after all that?